fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
