Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Damn victory sex feels great
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
