I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
