I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
