Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
