The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
