VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
