the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
