I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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