youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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