I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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