UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
