dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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