there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it was like eating out sand paper
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
