I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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