The brown eye won't let me do that either.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
