I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
false alarm, still single
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