I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I DEMAND FORESKIN
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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