How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
