I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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