If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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