at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
