There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
