He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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