My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
