I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
3pm strippers are depressing
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
