Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
