I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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