he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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