If that was your dad, he is hot
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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