Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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