do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
