i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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