My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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