You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
