jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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