why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
