My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
