smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
