I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Semen is not good for contacts.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
