5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
