just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
