I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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