so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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