Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
