I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
