You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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