Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
