I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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