dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
