First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
