That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
