walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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