Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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