I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
