bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
