I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
