White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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