the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize