i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
