____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
