I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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