Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
