I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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