Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
