she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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