She even gives head with a lisp.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
