Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
